I've been studying up on spiritual warfare and trying to study more of Isaiah and Revelations and a few other prophetic books in the Scriptures. These past few weeks since I started studying this topic in more depth, I feel like I'm being attacked by Satan through people around me that I have to work with or in my family. There's been a spirit of contention at my workplace and the home where I'm currently staying at (due to financial reasons). It's been really hard dealing with these situations/people. At work, I feel like I'm the more trusted person, and I'm really good friends with my supervisor since I've worked here before several years back. A lot of people don't like it that I'm here, and so now that my supervisor has been out of the office for the past week or so I think my co-workers (one in particular, the rest just follow her lead) are taking everything out on me. She just likes to fight and have conflict and I'm not playing her little game, so she gets really mad. At the home I'm staying at, it's family who I'm staying with, I feel like Satan has really gotten a hold of some of them and they too are trying to start problems with me.I've just been feeling really stressed out, and exhausted.
So, after a few weeks of all this going on, last night I just could not sleep. I kept waking up and thinking about some of the confrontations I've had and I guess just trying to think of what I could do to avoid problems. The phrase that keeps coming back to my mind over and over again is: "Love your enemies". I prayed off and on all night long, and asked the Lord to help me to do that and to get through this.
It's hard especially when they yell at me, talk about me behind my back, and say hurtful things to me. I guess I must be doing something right if I'm having so much opposition, right?
So, we finally made it back home a few weeks ago. Nearly everything that could go wrong did. I felt a lot of opposition ever since preparing for the move. We spent almost all of the money we had saved on this move, and most of it went to the moving company who overcharged us big time and didn't even take half our stuff. The other stuff that we planned on taking either got left with neighbors for safe-keeping or went to the curb for garbage pick-up or we gave it away. It was so frustrating. I had to throw a lot of good stuff away, like artwork, a perfectly good coffee maker, a stroller, a computer desk and chair, my children's toddler beds. It makes me sick just thinking about this. FYI--the moving company's name is Ace Moving Co. from Brooklyn, NY. I had checked them out on the BBB website, but I forgot to pay attention to the fact that they obviously had had some problems before and had only been on the BBB website for about a year. (They can change the company name and get back on the BBB website with a higher rating.) Ugh!!! I am so mad at myself for that. (Not to mention it didn't go over so well with my boyfriend. But he wasn't much help in deciding either.) I might as well had gone with PODS and I would have spent the same amount, but I wouldn't have had to throw out my good stuff! And the movers came a week after we got here. But they brought all my stuff, so I'm not going to complain anymore about them other than they need people who can speak understandable English and who don't lie to customers. Okay...moving on LOL....
Then, as we were getting ready to leave, the trailer lights and our truck taillights decided to stop working. So, we decided to turn on the lights on the car we were towing so no one would hit us from behind. This worked until we reached St. Louis, MO, when apparently the battery went dead on my car since I forgot to turn the car on for a while to charge the battery. A highway patrolman stopped me. Thankfully he didn't give me a ticket, just told me where I could find a gas station (that was closed for the night) to stop and figure out what we were going to do. We had to end up staying there the whole night and leave around 5:30 the next morning.
We got home around 10:00 AM that day, thankfully, but came home to a mountain of work. My sister left the whole house, inside and out, a huge mess that I'm still cleaning up. I don't really want to embarrass her and go into details, but it's not like she would ever read this. There was cat or dog poop in the house and trash everywhere, the floors were filthy, the yard was nearly two feet tall in some places. I really didn't want to come home to this! I've got a lot of it cleaned up. I just need to figure out how to organize things and get the clutter out of the way.
The week before last we were leaving my sister-in-law's house, and the headlights on my car wouldn't come on. My boyfriend took a look under the hood, and someone had gotten into my car popped open the hood and taken out the fuse for the headlights. Then later after that was fixed and I was on the highway, I noticed a car following me with one headlight brighter than the other. And nearly every time I've been on my way home from her house at night there has been at least one car with one headlight brighter than the other following me; sometimes more than one. I have my suspicions of who it is who took out the fuse, but I'm not completely sure still. Google gangstalking and this will give you an idea of what this is.
Well, that's about it for now. I'm tired from just writing about my journey. I feel like I've been here a few months and it's only been about three weeks!
My mom's friend emailed me more pictures of her from her trip to Morocco. I know I probably say this a lot on here, but I really miss her! I wish she were still around. Things would be different, that's for sure.
Soon, I will be back home. I am really nervous moving back home. I hope everything works out. I don't have a job to come home to. It's nerve-wracking because we don't have anyone to help us move. I have so much rolling around in my mind I can't focus. I keep thinking, "What if I'm making a mistake?" I guess I'll never know unless I try. I mean, it's not as if I'm leaving friends or family behind here.
Anyway, on to another subject....
There are these neighbors next door who have custody of their five grandchildren. The children come over here all the time. I can't stand their mother. (If you even want to call her that.) The ironic thing is, she started working at a day care down the street this week. She can't even take care of her own children, buy yet she's watching other peoples' children?!?! The sad thing is, she acts like she doesn't even want her own children. She cusses at them, yells at them--she's always sending them over to me. I feed them, play with them, I even help them with their homework. There's something wrong with this picture, right? I feel bad for leaving, only because of those children. Hopefully a seed's been planted, and they will turn out all right.
I guess I shouldn't say anything, but I'm so pissed at my sisters. They never answer me when I call them. There are so many loose ends with things, I feel like I'm going crazy here. It doesn't help that my boyfriend keeps changing his mind as to renting a trailer to move our stuff in or not. I honestly don't know what to do. We have two vehicles, and no one to help us take turns driving. Sometimes I wonder if I should just stay here; come what may.
I don't really know what else to say. I think I should stop there for now.
Music I've been listening to lately: Blackfire- "No control".
A movie I've been watching (it's my four year old's favorite at the moment): Napoleon Dynamite. hehehehe
Vote for Pedro! lol At least I've still got my sense of humor.
Book I've been reading: "Die Sheeple, Die".
The author brings up a good point. He misspells words on purpose. We've been brainwashed to skip over words that are misspelled; sometimes refusing to read or comprehend whatever it is you're reading. I think I might start doing that. hahahahaha.
So, my daughter got her ears pierced yesterday. It was scary for her and for me. She got the first one done, but it hurt, so it took forever to get her to calm down and let the lady pierce the second ear. But, after it was over, she looked into the mirror and realized she had actual earrings in her ears, and decided she looked pretty.
The only thing that worries me is that they will get infected. But so far, so good!
Okay, so now that I've had time to cool off and think on what happened since my last post, I think I was a bit harsh with the last line about the person being a CIA agent. I was angry. And I have to realize that this person is scared and doesn't really have anyone to turn to. So, I sent them an e-mail with some info. And basically told them that the only person who can take care of their problems is God, and He can give you the peace you're looking for from these criminals. I don't have any magic pills/solutions to make it all go away, and really, without God we are nothing. We need Him to get through this. We can't do it on our own.
So, with that, I'm leaving it in God's hands, and I'm going to just pray for this person and all the others who are going through the same thing or much worse. That's all I really CAN do, I suppose. And give out the info people need to understand what's really going on out there. Maybe others will think I'm being lazy or whatever, but I don't care. This is what I think God wants me to do.
On a different note, I feel so alone sometimes, as my sisters are my only family I have left, besides my children. My sisters for some reason have decided to quit talking to me. And it's going on two months now. Their excuse is they are too busy. Two months ago I was talking to one of them, and I mentioned I hadn't heard from the other two sisters. She got snippy with me and said that they are too busy to call me. I wonder how long they are going to stay busy? They must be exhausted from being soooo busy for such a long time. I hope they are okay and getting their rest. And she acted upset that I quit my job (which is a WHOLE other post lol). Almost as if she's jealous that I quit.
And thanks to you guys for helping me pay the probate fee for Mom's estate.
If you didn't want to pay all you had to do was tell me. It's okay though. I'm not going to let you guys get to me.
Oh, and I thought I'd add a song that I'm loving right now. Enjoy!
Is a house really a home when your loved ones are goneI’m coming home
I’m coming home Tell the World I’m coming home Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes I’m coming home, I’m coming home Tell the World that I’m coming
I just got off the phone with a person who contacted me about being a targeted individual of the local police and the CIA. I've never had someone accuse ME of being CIA or stalking other human beings. I got into this research on mind control and the NWO and gang stalking thinking I could help others and spread awareness. But now that I just got through talking with this person, I realized that maybe I shouldn't be doing anything at all. Maybe I should just forget everything that I've researched and just let things continue the way they have been. This guy made me feel so insignificant, and kept cutting me off when I was trying to explain things like microchip implants, that I finally just hung up on him.
This guy contacted me through e-mail saying he needed a witness to the electric shocks he gets at his apartment and that he needed a friend. And he gave me his number to call. So after thinking and praying about it, I called him. And then he asked me what kind of help I could offer. I told him I was researching all this, and I don't really have many solutions. He told me they don't need information, they need solutions to stop this. And then accused me of being a CIA agent.
I don't appreciate that at all. I tried to tell him how I came to know about what's going on, and he kept cutting me off. So I am giving up. I'm not going to try to help people anymore. I don't even know why my eyes were opened up to this if I can't do anything about it or even help people. It's a lost cause for me now.
I've alienated myself from my family (what little I have left, like my sisters) because everyone thinks I am crazy for posting links and videos on my Facebook page and starting the blog about this. Maybe I am crazy for putting my ass on the line and thinking maybe I could help change what's going on. I'm just going to leave this in God's hands.
If anyone is a CIA agent, it's you. And you know who you are.
Last Friday was my mom's 59th birthday. We celebrated with a cake. It's been almost a year since she passed on. Every day I think of her. She was a good person. Sometimes I wonder why do bad things happen to good people. My mom had her share of hard times and trials and tribulations. But her faith never waivered.
I look up to her. She did so much for me and my sisters. I wanted to repay her for all the things she did for me throughout the years. So, this time last year, we were planning on visiting and lay down some new flooring in the house. I was excited to finally be able to go back home and visit my family after three years of being out of state. My youngest sister was graduating too, and it was a happy time for us.
But things don't go like we plan. My mom passed away on April 1, 2010 from a blood clot. I was in complete and utter shock. I screamed and cried uncontrollably. I couldn't believe this was happening. We drove from New York to Missouri, and all the way there I kept thinking that she would be there waiting for us when we arrived. But when we got there, she wasn't there.
Me and my sisters had to plan the funeral and take out a loan we are finally almost done paying. It's like a monthly reminder that she's gone. Sometimes it hurts a lot. No thanks to our aunts and uncles, who tried to change the funeral and make it into something my mom wouldn't have wanted. They didn't even offer to help us pay for it. So much for family. It's during times like these you find out what their true colors are. And unfortunately, it was during our mom's death we found out that our only family was each other--me and my sisters only.
Does it hurt? Yeah, it does to a certain extent. I mean, I've never been horribly close to my aunts and uncles or my cousins, but to have your own family turn their backs on you during a hard time, it's very hurtful.
The hardest part, was coming across a journal my mom kept for a short time after our dad left. It was just so hard to read what she went through, and how much she really suffered because of his infidelity and lies. And one day as we were outside, my dad showed up to say he was sorry and ask if we needed anything. I told him he hadn't been here for several years, why show up now? And I asked him how could he just leave our mom like that, with no money for food or the bills? I looked into his eyes, and they were empty. And I could tell he was lying about everything he was telling me. I called him a coward as he walked away.
A few days later, he wrote my youngest sister a letter saying he didn't appreciate the way I talked to him and that he deserves respect. So I wrote him a letter telling him he doesn't deserve respect, especially after all the lies and things he's done. I never heard back.
I know someday, I'll see my mom again. And that gives me comfort and peace.
Here's some pictures of my mom on her visit to Morocco in 2007:
Welcome to my personal blog. I also blog about the New World Order. That blog is called "Seeking the Truth".
About me:
I'm a mom, a writer, an artist, a musician, a listener, a thinker. I'm a non-conformist. I have a unique personality.
People don't always get my sense of humor. Especially out here in New York.
I'm a country girl--I grew up on a farm in Missouri. I can't wait to go back home.
I love learning new things. I love to research. I love people (most of the time). I love God.
I love candles, springtime, summertime, fresh-cut lawns, the countryside.
I don't watch TV anymore. Except for the occasional movie. Try not watching TV for a month--you will see a difference!
I am passionate about helping victims of mind control and abuse. There are many in this world who are suffering.
